Years back someone once asked me to describe life in one word. I said, “Hard.” At the time, life felt hard to me. There was little joy in my life. I was caught in a spiral of my-life-is-fun-every-once-in a while-but-most-of-the-time-it’s-sheer-drudgery. I wasn’t having any fun. That’s depressing!
The depression I was trapped in seemed to spiral deeper and deeper until I felt out of control and unable to help myself. I felt as though I was in a dark well, standing on a narrow shelf. I could barely lift my voice to yell for help, but it didn’t matter anyway because no one was walking by looking down wells those days. I knew if I didn’t do something—and do it quickly—I would fall the rest of the way over the edge and fall, fall, fall into a dark, bottomless pit.
Depression does not just happen with a finger click, although it may seem that one day you were happy and the next day you were depressed. Depression comes from the buildup of unhappiness thinking day after day after day until the critical mass builds up and throws you into a deep depression. The longer you stay depressed, the harder it is to crawl out of it.
Often we hide in prescription drugs, alcohol, work, relationships, but as long as we think something outside ourselves will pull us out of the unhappiness, or as long as we mask the unhappiness, the longer we keep ourselves from happiness.
Certainly, circumstances outside ourselves can cause us to tailspin downward into unhappiness, but happy people do not let outside circumstances keep them down. We all know people who seem to stay up no matter what goes down. I’m not talking about the ones who live at a superficial level and pretend happiness, or people who are so shut down they never experience pain. Quite the contrary. I’m talking about people who are genuinely in touch with their emotions and with life; in fact that’s the secret.
People who are happy (I count myself among them these days) know who they are; they get life. They know life isn’t always easy. Life didn’t just single you out to say, “This one shall have a tough life.” Certainly, some people have lives that are more difficult than others, but people in some of the most difficult of situations, with some of the most difficult backgrounds are still happy. You can be too.
People who are happy tend to have one thing in common—they do for others. I’m not talking about the person who is so busy taking care of the other’s business that they neglect themselves. I’m talking about genuine happiness that comes from doing something nice for another being—two legged beings, four-legged beings, winged ones, or even nature.
This genuine happiness comes from a sense of balance that your needs are met, so you are able to freely and joyfully give back.
Today, do something for someone else, even if it’s as simple as adding a smile to someone’s day. Unhappy people are caught in their own self-centeredness and unable to look beyond their lives. By reaching out and helping another, you are getting out of yourself, even if only for a moment.
Think about how your deed may help someone. That thought will warm you and that warmth will help you to be one step closer to happiness. As you gain in energy that comes from happiness, increase your ways of helping others. Don’t go overboard. This process is about thinking about others and not always thinking about yourself, but do not go the opposite direction and become codependent, which only breeds more unhappiness because it’s born of the need for power, not genuine caring for other beings.
This is about doing something simple every day that takes you out of yourself even if only for a moment and lets you genuinely care for another human being without any reward for yourself other than that feel-good happiness that comes from opening your heart and giving to someone else.
Here are 50 simple examples:
1. Smile at the motorist who is in your way.
2. Be more patient with the person in line in front of you at the grocery checkout lane, even if they are taking more time than you think you have.
3. Change the toilet paper roll when it’s needed.
4. Be on time when you are meeting someone, so they don’t have to wait for you.
5. In public restaurants, be considerate of those coming behind you.
6. Fix a big pot of soup or stew and take some to a neighbor.
7. Send a card to someone to let them know how much it means to you to have them in your life.
8. Say a blessing for an animal that was killed along the side of the road.
9. Donate money to help a worthwhile organization.
10. Keep a smile in your voice when a phone solicitor calls or when you are talking to a company’s customer service representative.
11. Set aside an hour a week to help a local charitable organization.
12. Take time to fill out a survey if a company representative was helpful.
13. Leave a book behind on the subway/train/coffee shop after you have read it.
14. Rake the yard, mow the grass, or shovel snow off the sidewalk for a neighbor.
15. Walk dogs or cuddle cats at your local animal shelter.
16. Pick up a piece of trash off the sidewalk and put in into a trash container.
17. Organize a clean-up day for your neighborhood.
18. Clean up a vacant lot.
19. Plant flowers in a neighborhood common area.
20. Plant and care for flowers in the yard of someone who can’t.
21. Take or send flowers to someone who needs a pick-me-up.
22. Take food to the local food bank or shelter.
23. Knit a hat or scarf for someone in the cancer ward.
24. Collect books, toys, and board games to donate to a jail or prison.
25. Pay the fee at a freeway toll booth for the person behind you.
26. Pay the electricity or heating bill for someone who needs help.
27. Help someone set up a website.
28. Offer to help someone with something you are good at doing.
29. Know someone who is ill? Clean their house.
30. Call someone just to say hi and not because you want something from them.
31. If you enter a near-empty theater, choose a seat that is not directly in front of someone.
32. Listen to someone without judgment or offering advice.
33. Carry index cards with uplifting messages on them and give them to people.
34. Use index cards to write 365 reasons (one message per card) why you love your spouse/parent/sibling/friend. Tie the cards with a ribbon and give them to the other to read one a day.
35. Babysit for someone who needs a little relief.
36. Walk an ill friend’s dog.
37. Read a story to a child.
38. Anonymously treat a friend to a foot massage or pedicure.
39. After a storm, help clean up fallen trees or pick up branches in your neighbor’s yard.
40. Give money to someone who needs a helping hand.
41. Take an elderly neighbor grocery shopping.
42. Clean litter boxes at the local animal shelter.
43. Visit someone who is shut in and cook a meal for the two of you.
44. Hold someone while they cry without asking them to stop or telling them everything is going to be okay.
45. Put money in someone else’s parking meter.
46. Pay for the meal of the person or people sitting near you in a restaurant.
47. Let someone who looks tired move in front of you at the grocery checkout—even if they have more groceries.
48. Pass along something you treasure that someone admired and will treasure.
49. Bless the driver who cut you off in traffic—and bless yourself for keeping you safe.
50. Be truly happy about someone else’s success and happiness and tell them so.
